Thursday, January 24, 2013
Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. (Matthew 8:2-3)
For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole. But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour. (Matthew (9:21-22)
And when Jesus departed from there, two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, Son of David, have mercy on us. Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you. And their eyes were opened; (Matthew 9:27,29,30)
When the desperate pleaded for healing from Jesus, it was done. He didn't say "It's not my will". He never turned them away broken and wounded. The lame started walking! The blind could see! The dead was raised! This is the God I serve. He works miracles. He is amazing.
I was desperate. I was broken. I pleaded...I believed. I poured out my soul...I cried until I couldn't breathe.
The God of heaven and earth. He made the sun and the mountains. The stars and the oceans so deep. Did you know, we know more about the surface of the moon than we do the bottom of the ocean?
He knows. He created it...by speaking.
He made my baby! All of his toes...his beautiful eyes. He could have healed him in an instant! I honestly believed he would. I would peek in his crib, ready to worship God for the miraculous healing he did in my son. Nothing changed...he was the same.
I would go to every ultrasound, while the doctor who asked if I wanted to abort my baby would check his fluid levels... I would beg God to heal him there. In front of her. Show her who He really is! Heal him without the hands of a man! Don't let someone steal your glory, Jesus! Work the miraculous.
I felt abandoned. I was broken. I was confused. So much pain. I never got over it. I carried it with me...in the secret. I still get that sick feeling when I think of that first year..the waves were crashing. The wind was so loud...I was drowning. All I wanted was for my savior to speak peace...He didn't. What did I do wrong? Where is my miracle?
4 years later...now, I know.
Sometimes God wants to give you an even greater miracle than the one you were asking for. The miracle of carrying you through the pain. To the other side.
He did. He was there every step of the way. He held me. He comforted me. He provided everything we needed. He was there in every procedure. He carried us...to the other side. God, I'm so sorry for not giving you the glory you deserved. You have given me more than I ever asked you for!